theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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