this beer tastes like vomit already
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
