By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
