Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it glows. i had to have it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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