direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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