If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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