The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
