I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
