I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
