Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
