Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
