you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
