I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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