I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
