She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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