if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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