You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
