Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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