I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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