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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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