6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
