im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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