i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
40s are totally the cure
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize