Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
