How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
