Little spoons don't ask big questions
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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