Apparently you make a good broom.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
