If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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