I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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