I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
