The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
