he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
