R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
