She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
