just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
