If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Be still, my beating vagina.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
