So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He felt like a one man threesome
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
