Will you blow on my dice?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
