I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize