I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
