Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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