i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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