i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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