....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
