Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
