I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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