I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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