My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How's work?
Spinning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
