I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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