jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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