ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
