Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
