This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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