she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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