Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ruined the universe
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
