Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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