No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
