It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
