Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
