Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
