I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
