Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
