I just pynch a tree in the face
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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