I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
