Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
