i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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