even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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