Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dick has a subreddit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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