he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
