Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
