Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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