new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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