Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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