Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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