Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
