I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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