Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize