So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
3pm strippers are depressing
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
