i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
