Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
two words...techno handjob
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
