New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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