Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
