I'd wear matching sweaters with you
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
