1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
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Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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